She was upset, I asked why. She said she wants to meet her parents but not being ‘allowed’ to do so by her mother in law.
I again asked why, I was for sure surprised. She mentioned – “my mother in law doesn’t like me visiting my parents frequently as she thinks I still have not accepted my husband’s home as my own. And in order to do that, I need to cut down visits to my parents.”
Not just from one woman, I have heard from so many of them that they actually need ‘permission’ to see their parents from husbands and also in laws if they are staying in a joint family. At first, it looked like a special case to me. But when I realized this is the story of several women, I couldn’t resist writing about this one.
Here are top 5 reasons you should ‘never ever’ expect a girl to ask for ‘your permission’ to meet her parents:
1. Because they are a part of her life much before you came in:
So simple to read but so hard to understand for many. They are the ones who gave birth to her, raised her and made her what she is today. You entered her life few days, months or probably years back. They are an important part of her life and she needs to see them as much as or sometimes more than she needs to see you or be with you.
2. Because you ‘live’ with your parents:
Don’t we still have the age old tradition of joint families in our country. While a man can live with his own parents after marriage and also expect her wife to stay happily with them, she can’t even expect to meet her own parents freely, as and when she wants. How unfair is that?
Even if the couple doesn’t stay with either of the parents, I wouldn’t imagine a man seeking permission from his wife to see his parents and would never imagine that his in laws will have a say if he should meet his parents or not. Do you sense inequality here? I do.
3. Because she loves them:
Oh yeah, for sure your wife loves you and has made you her life. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her parents anymore. And if you love her, aren’t you expected to value her emotions, needs and wants. If it gives her happiness to see her parents, shouldn’t you support her in finding her happiness out of this basic need of her.
4. Because you DON’T own her:
You could be one of those possessive partners who want to influence every thing in your spouse’ life but please remember the fact that you don’t own her. The marital vows definitely bind you in a beautiful relationship, but this bond is based on love, trust and respect for each other’s feelings.
She is not an object to be owned but a human being with feelings. Restricting her in this manner points out your insecurity in love and the fact that you do not have trust in her abilities to balance well her married life.
5. Because she has every right to do this:
If you have forgotten, she is a free being who has all the rights to meet whoever she wants, and in this case we are particularly talking of meeting her own parents. Being a husband, you should add value, comfort, peace and love to her life instead of making her feel suffocated in your relationship with her.
SHE IS A GIRL WHO HAS BEEN A FREE BIRD, SHARING A NEST WITH HER PARENTS, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CLIP HER WINGS. SHE WILL FLY AWAY HIGHER AND FASTER THAN YOU TRYING TO GRAB HER.
You may like to read: https://ishkimishki.com/2019/06/01/a-daughter-in-law-is-someones-daughter-in-love-with-your-son/