Feminism

How ‘daughters and son-in-laws’ are replacing ‘son and daughter-in-laws’

During my childhood I heard my maternal grandmother telling my mom – “All the water and food I consume in your home, is a debt that I will have to pay in my after life”.

Those hailing from India know quite well how ‘unusual’ it has been considered for a mother to stay at her married daughter’s home, for centuries. Thankfully time is changing now, my own very same grandmother stayed at our home for several months, happily.

One can imagine the plight of a woman when her life partner passes away, children have moved out and she is left all alone with memories surrounding herself. In this situation, a warm invitation from her own daughter to stay with them is difficult to refuse. And this is what we are seeing more and more around us. There are numerous examples of courageous daughter-mom duo defying age old traditions.

Here are top five reasons why it is easier for mothers today to stay with their married daughters:

1. For they have raised a ‘strong woman’ as their daughters

A strong woman knows how to enforce equality, take responsibility and secure the support of her partner. She knows how to stand by her mother and at the same time take care of her other responsibilities as a wife, mother and a daughter in law. She has learnt to balance her life, she may stumble once or twice, but she always knows how to stand tall again.

A mother who is blessed with such a daughter knows that she is not going to be an obstacle in her daughter’s married life for the latter knows how to handle the situation.

2. A daughter needs her mom as much as mom needs the daughter

As heard from daughters who invite their mothers to stay with them, it is such a blessing to have a great support by their side. However old or tired a mother is, she always gathers the energy to help her daughter in daily life.

And if the daughter is also a mother, her own mother is the best baby sitter and care taker she has got with all the wisdom she needs to inherit for this role. A maternal grand mother is as important as a paternal grandmother to influence kids with their elderly touch and shape their future in right direction by passing on the knowledge on customs, traditions and culture.

3. She knew she doesn’t necessarily need a son to take care of her

The universal obsession to have a son, especially in India to be the support of old age is not a news to all of us. But still there are mothers who chose to raise their daughters with right education and a good childhood, instead of craving for a son all their lives.

The mothers who knew they can rely on a daughter to be their support in the later years of their lives find it easier to stay with their married daughters and be their support system even after they are married off.

4.  For we are in 21st century

Time is powerful. It changes minds, it changes the perspective of how people look at things. We all evolve in our daily lives and get wiser with our learning.

While the equality is being enforced in every sphere of life, it is more easily acceptable fact that it is as much a responsibility of a daughter to look after her parents, as much as it is of a son. The simple reason is that if parents never differentiated in spending their resources while raising a daughter or a son, on what grounds can a daughter be expected to run away from her responsibilities as their child.

5. Broad minded and mature ‘son in laws

How can we forget the role of supportive and mature son in laws who understand that their wife also has other responsibilities and have parents to take care of, just like himself. In a busy and demanding world like ours, support from life partner is of paramount importance to be able to balance everything right.

Here is a note of love from a daughter:

“The love you showered on us all our lives, we promise to shower it back,

Our company, our support and our love, nothing should you lack,

Your love, equality and care made us reach where we are today,

We need you always, don’t think twice before you decide to come and stay”

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