If he beats you, it means he loves you – Really?


This Russian proverb is getting global attention in the news relating to three sisters who are being sentenced to jail for killing their physically abusive father who threw out their mother from home following years of physical violence on her. The girls claim to have killed him in self defense as he used to keep them locked inside the house and would even use a baseball bat to beat them up.

More than 80% of women in Russia suffer domestic violence which is considered absolutely normal as long as their bones are not broken as a result of it. Even the laws are so meagre in this direction that they terribly fail to prevent men from attempting to raise their hand on women.

Not just Russia, the stats are alarming when it comes to women facing physical abuse from their partners. According to a report published in WHO in 2017, about 1 in 3 (35%) of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

The magnitude and frequency of physical violence may vary from case to case but what starts as a slap worsens with time if allowed to continue. Using any kind of physical force on a woman is physical violence even if it only pushing her off or holding her arms tightly in anger.

Why do men resort to physical violence?

Every relationship goes through arguments, fights and conflicts and both partners can have a bad temper. But what makes a man resort to use his physical strength over woman. According to the same report by WHO, the chances of physical abuse are higher from a man:

“if they have low education, a history of child maltreatment, exposure to domestic violence against their mothers, harmful use of alcohol, unequal gender norms including attitudes accepting of violence, and a sense of entitlement over women”.

And this makes it all the more important when entering a relationship to be paid attention to. Even a slight sign of physical violence should not be tolerated and it is advisable to step out of it sooner than later if it gets repetitive. For sure there can be instances where the arguments get heated, but there is no excuse for resorting to physical violence.

What can physical violence do to women?

Violence can negatively affect women’s physical, mental, sexual, and reproductive health, and may increase the risk of acquiring HIV in some settings, as per WHO.

There is only harm and no gain in letting it continue in your life. Not just the woman, it reflects negatively on the children too and it is only going to make it normal in their eyes if it is common at home. And this gives way to continued physical violence in the daughter’s lives who may allow it on themselves just like their mothers or may raise abusive sons who have grown to see it as a right available to them as a man.

What should one do to stop this?

If you are in any kind of abusive relationship, please try below at the soonest to stop it from continuing in your lives:

  • Make it very clear to your partner that you are not going to take it anymore and if it is repeated even once, you are ending the relationship.
  • Do not be afraid of stepping out of a abusive relationship, nothing is worth your suffering.
  • Let a friend or a confidante know what you are going through and seek advice in case of doubt
  • Seek counselling if needed for yourself as well as your partner.
  • Do not think of society as a bottleneck, it doesn’t matter. If you have kids, they will understand eventually.
  • Take help from authorities if need be. Be practical and proactive before it reaches a regrettable stage.



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