The relation between a mother in law and a daughter in law is a tricky one. They both love one person in common who is a son to one and a husband to another but they may not like each other always.
Despite the urge to have a pleasant relationship with their daughter in laws, a large number of mother in laws end up having a bitter one instead. Just like any other relation, the destiny of it depends on both the sides. However since the mother in laws are seasoned homemakers and are at an age where they tend to be more rigid than have a flexible mindset, it is very important for them to avoid below 5 common mistakes:
1. Give them space
Privacy is of utmost importance to any newly wedded couple. Intruding in their room every now and then, eavesdropping on their conversations and giving opinion on everything can be frustrating for any daughter in law and even for your own son. If you give them the space they need, it will ensure a good start to their relationship as a couple as well as your relation as a mother and daughter.
2. Set real expectations
Expecting too much from your daughter in law can be damaging to your relation with her. Since it takes time to know one’s likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, preferences, hobbies etc. it will be unfair to expect your daughter in law to behave in a certain manner.
Try to imagine how would your son behave if he has to stay in another family from now on and ask yourself if he can be expected to be perfect in everything he does. The answer is definitely going to be a ‘no’.
3. Do not compare
You may have a favorite daughter-in-law in your extended family who according to you is managing everything well. Even in your mind, do not compare your daughter in law with anyone else. Every individual is different and you may not notice but your daughter in law may also have some great qualities that others miss.
The comparison factor is only going to make the equation between two of you worse. Even a comparison to yourself as a daughter in law is harmful since the fact is that everyone is best in their own eyes. If you want an honest review, ask your own mother in law.
4. Bear the generation gap in mind
This is applicable to both mother in law and daughter in law that they keep in mind the generation gap they have between each other. As an elder, please do not burden her with illogical customs that restrict her in any manner and are completely baseless and superstitious in nature.
It is important to open up your mind and change yourself slightly in order to not become a bottleneck in the daily life of your son and daughter in law.
5. Remain unbiased
Praising your son always and making your daughter in law feel like an outsider is quite common for a mother in law. Unfortunately, mother in laws do it unconsciously failing to realize that this is hurtful and is going to make your daughter in law drift apart from you.
Most importantly of all, remember that your daughter in law is someone’s daughter who has been used to staying curled up in her bed until late mornings, showered with love, treated with food made by her mom, been taken care of like a baby and is a piece of their heart. Offer her your love, support and understanding in settling down in your family, let her make mistakes, not be perfect, roam around in pyjamas, be open to you. What should matter is the respect and love for you that she should carry in her heart. Be a mother, earn a daughter.
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